We often picture Ellen White in her later years, full of faith and confidence in God. But the young Ellen had some very different days. She struggled with fear, felt overwhelmed by her shortcomings and wondered whether God could really accept her. Sound familiar?
In Monday’s Big Camp presentation, Mark Pearce explored Ellen White’s journey of faith, introducing campers to the young person behind the familiar name. Her confidence in God had a story behind it, and some of that story was painful.
“Ellen struggled with her faith as anyone becoming a Christian does,” Mark reminded us.
A serious injury at just nine years of age changed Ellen’s appearance, affected her health and eventually brought her formal schooling to an end. For a child who loved reading and learning, that was a devastating loss. She wrestled with why God had allowed it to happen, then felt guilty for questioning Him.
Adding to her distress were religious books describing children who seemed to live faultless lives. They always made the right choices, apparently without the doubts and struggles she knew so well. Instead of encouraging her, those stories left her feeling that she could never measure up.
There’s something familiar about that, even without a nineteenth-century book in our hands. It can be easy to look around a church and imagine everyone else has their faith neatly sorted while we’re still trying to work ours out.
For Ellen, the struggle was made worse by her belief in an eternally burning hell and her fear that God was angry with her. Even after baptism, misunderstandings about holiness left her anxious about her standing with Him. And for a long time, she kept it all to herself.
One of the most moving parts of Mark’s presentation was the account of a dream in which Ellen encountered Jesus. She had longed to meet Him, believing He would understand her suffering. In the dream, His kindness reached the very place where she was most afraid.
“She knew at once that Jesus not only understood but loved her anyway,” Mark explained.
Here was a Saviour who knew every circumstance of her life, including her thoughts, fears and failures. He approached her with a smile and the reassurance, “Fear not.”
Ellen later described the change this brought: “My views of the Father were changed. I now looked upon Him as a kind and tender parent rather than a stern tyrant compelling men toward obedience.”
That is quite a change in how you see God. It changes how you pray, how you understand His guidance and whether you feel able to come to Him when you’ve failed.
Ellen eventually opened up to her mother, who arranged for her to speak with Methodist minister Levi Stockman. He listened to her story and helped her understand God’s love. His encouragement was to return home trusting in Jesus.
There was a practical lesson here for all of us. We don’t have to carry every spiritual struggle alone. A patient listener, a trusted friend or a conversation with someone who can point us to Jesus may make more difference than we realise.
As Ellen found assurance in her Saviour, she wanted her friends to know Him too. Sharing her faith grew out of discovering that she was loved. Jesus became central to her experience, and, as Mark emphasised, “Her faith is built upon Scripture.”
Monday’s presentation also brought a timely reminder for a busy camp week. Quoting from The Desire of Ages, Mark shared Ellen’s words: “We must individually hear Him speaking to the heart.”
“Prayer is also a time to be quiet and listen for him,” he added.
Between meetings, meals, children’s activities and catching up with friends, a little quiet can be hard to find. Yet that personal time with God shapes what we bring into every other part of the day.
Ellen’s journey gives encouragement to anyone who still has questions. Her understanding grew. Her faith deepened. The confidence we associate with her later life developed through real struggles and a growing knowledge of Jesus.
We can bring our questions to Him too, open His Word, and make room to listen. The Saviour who met Ellen with love knows our story just as well.
